The Universe is the Scattered Thoughts You Left Behind
by IrisPatton
Summary: "It still felt like a dream to be able to see Earth again when they had all resigned and given up the dream of ever going back home because this was war and you don't get to choose when you get to see your loved ones, no matter how much you long for it, no matter how much you lose yourself in the memory of them." Post War AU one-shot collection.
1. Home

A tear ran down his face. They were home. They were finally _home_. He sniffed a little and made sure to mute his communicator in case anyone decided to make fun of him for crying but a feeling nagged his mind that no one would because a moment later he heard a loud sniffle and a sound that suspiciously sounded like a choked sob and he knew who it was because everyone except the ones flying the Lions was asleep.

He was startled when Keith's voice sounded in a private line asking if he was okay, asking Lance specifically because he knew how much Lance had missed it –missed home, his family– because he had sat with Lance and talked for vargas late into nights when homesickness wouldn't let him sleep and Keith himself would be wound too tight to rest. It was something in the Black Paladin's voice that prompted him to un-mute his communicator and answer.

He tried to form some semblance of composure because damn it all he shouldn't be crying he was finally –_finally_– home and opened his mouth when he thought wouldn't start crying but his voice came out choked anyways and he shut his mouth quickly and squeezed his eyes closed as more tears slipped from them.

It was quiet for some time before Keith spoke up again –softly. "You're crying"

It wasn't a question because he knew. Because he could hear the constant sniffling and an occasional muffled sob from the others, as well. And Keith knew why. They were _home_. _They were hometheywerehomehomehome_. And Lance failed to muffle the next sob that escaped his lips. He hurriedly muted his communicator and pulled his feet up on the seat letting Blue take full pilot control and _cried_.

He heard a sigh as more of a white noise and then the line cut off and in the back of his mind he knew that it was because Keith wanted to give him some space and time to come to terms with it.

Because it still felt like a dream to be able to see Earth again when they all had been ready to sacrifice their lives in the name of the universe more than once. When they had come so close to accepting their deaths so many times and when they had all resigned and given up the dream of ever going back home again because this was _war_ and you don't get to choose when you get to see your loved ones again, no matter how much you long for it, no matter how much you lose yourself in the memory of them.

So Lance cried, silence blanketing him, only broken by Romelle's soft snores as she slept. The Lions kept a steady pace as they travelled towards Earth at a slow speed because it had been a long distance and even if they kept stopping in between to replenish the energy their Lions needed in the beginning, they wasted less and less time for breaks, in their haste to get home.

Now, though, now Lance regretted it because he was so _close_ and it was taking _so_ _much time_ and he couldn't take it anymore but he let Blue take him home instead and sat back because he was tired –downright exhausted, emotionally and physically– from the war and just wanted to hug him mom and dad, wanted to sit back and relax with Marco, bicker with Veronica and play with his nibblings. Oh Quiznack, he _missed_ them.

He was started yet once again and looked up when Kosmo appeared out of nowhere right next to him and nuzzled at his legs, letting out a soft whine and Lance knew why he was here.

Because even if Pidge and Keith avoided emotional confrontations like the plague itself, it was a testament on how much they had grown as people in the time they had spent in space –from tense bodies and letting others handle the situation to initiating comfort whether it was directed at someone else or in rare moments needed for themselves, but even so at times they'd still be out of their depths and would send their space animal companions to others in their stead. It was appreciated just as much.

Lance let out a sound somewhere between a sob and a chuckle and ran his hand on Cosmo's head –his fur soft to the touch– and then buried his face in his furry creature's neck and wept, body shaking and hands coming round the space wolf, voice carefully quiet. He was grateful for the silent company because he didn't want to be alone and couldn't deal with anyone else.

He stayed that way for a while until he heard Keith announce on the main comm.

"We're here."

And Lance looked up only to stare at various shades of blue and green and white and brown and heard someone actually sob out loud, his mind provided the name _Hunk_ but he couldn't stop staring ahead to give it another thought. His hands tighten around Kosmo –the wolf's head now in Lance's lap-and felt more tears on his cheeks and a grin begin to form on his face.

His heart sang songs of _homehomehome_ and his mom's lullabies and children's poems and he let out a loud chuckle and heard Keith radio in to Earth's frequency to identify them before entering the planet's atmosphere, in case they were unknowingly seen as a threat.

He heard more shuffling over the open line that they all had opened at all times as others begin to wake up and Lance smiled down towards Kosmo who just cocked his head to the side, blinked once then nuzzled his head at Lance's abdomen before disappearing again.

Excitement coursed through him in a sudden jolt and before he could contain it he screamed at Romelle to wake up. He grabbed the throttles on both his side and silently switched controls to manual and sped onwards with everything his Lion could give. A whoop of _joy-euphoria-happiness_ on his tongue.

"We're home, baby!"

Shiro chuckled somewhere in the background and chatter started up again as everyone woke up more. Pidge screamed when she heard her dad's voice answer them back.

"Dad! It's us, Voltron! It's Pidge! We're back! We're back dad!"

"Oh my god. Oh mygodohmygodohmygod, I can't believe it. We're finally back. I feel like I'm dreaming, I'm not dreaming, right? Lance, Pidge, Keith, Shiro this is really happening, yeah? Because if this is a dream I don't wanna wake up from it, ever."

Keith's soft laugh sounded in through the line and Shiro joined and then they were all laughing and when they touched down at the Galaxy Garrison they all but ran out of the cockpit and out of their Lions and towards their home, towards the people they loved gathered out in the open –since they had already radioed in their arrival distance away from their solar system.

His gaze searched his family as he stood in front of his Lion and as soon as he found them he was running towards them. His face a mess from smiling and tears and sweat and he sobbed as he tackled his mother in a hug, melting into her arms and as he felt more arms around him squeeze him and he cried even harder.

Because this was real. This was real and he was hugging his mom and his dad was right behind her hugging him as well, his smile so proud. His sister was hugging him from one side while his brother from his other, his sister-in-law from behind, careful of her kids but still there. He felt tiny hands grab his armored leg and hug him too and oh _how much he missed his family_.

He broke the family embrace after a while and looked at all their faces. "Mama, Papa, Marco, Roni, you guys, I missed you so much. I thought about you every day." And at the moment, he didn't care that he was giving his siblings fodder to make fun of him later or whatever because he just wanted to enjoy this reunion after years of not being able to see his family.

So he hugged them again but then he pulled back and rubbed his face clean of any evidence of crying –his eyes still red rimmed– and looked around at his friends.

He saw Pidge surrounded by her family. Matt also present, smiling so wide that Lance was afraid his face would split in two.

He saw Hunk crying and engaged in a group hug with his parent and siblings all around him much too like his own.

He saw Keith smiling softly rubbing his hand on his eyes as some guy he didn't recognize, in a Garrison official uniform, hugged Shiro as if his life depended on him, Krolia right there with them.

And he saw Allura, Romelle and Coran standing to the side hesitantly engaged in a conversation with some other Garrison officials, probably introducing themselves.

He looked around and he smiled even bigger as he remembered how much he had missed this. Missed being surrounded by love and happiness and family.

He was finally home.

_They_ _were finally home_.


	2. Embrace

Shiro stepped out of the Black Lion just behind Keith with Krolia following him out. He smiled as he stood outside, in front of the Lion, on Earth after years and years and just took everything in.

All this time –fighting a ten thousand year old intergalactic space war– he hadn't had the time to comprehend and process through all that he have been through for more than a few moments. Because there were people to save and he couldn't afford to lose himself in self-pity, couldn't let his team down. The team who looked up to him because he was suppose to be their stability.

So, he never gave it more than a couple of moments in all this time to think about what he had left behind in order to save millions and millions of lives.

He never really gave it a thought of _who_ he had left behind.

Until.

Until he saw him standing there right in front of him staring at Shiro like he had seen a ghost. Until he saw him step forward as his gaze flickered towards Keith and then came back to Shiro and stayed there.

He didn't thought about it until he saw _Adam_.

And then like a crushing weight had been put on him, his shoulders slumped and he gasped and from his periphery he saw Keith put his hand on his back to support him as if Shiro would collapse any moment if it weren't for Keith's hand, and maybe it was the case. Maybe Shiro would have collapsed because he wanted to step forward and meet Adam half way in between just like they always have, but his legs wouldn't work and he stood there uselessly trying to not loose anymore of his composure in public than he already had.

So, when Adam came and stopped in front of him his gaze flicking between Keith and Shiro, he could've sworn he saw a tear slip down Adam's face as his hand came up and touched Keith's face. And even then he notice how Keith tensed beside him at the touch at first but then smiled his soft, shy smile he used to give Shiro when Shiro would tell him that it didn't matter to him that Keith wasn't related to him by blood, Keith was still his little brother and he loved him.

He didn't however notice when Adam's hand slipped from Keith's face and hovered over Shiro's. His attention now undivided and solely on Shiro and his eyes flicking all over his face before he touched Shiro's cheek as if to make himself belief that it wasn't all a cruel dream –nightmare, because nightmares were also dreams.

And before he knew it, Shiro was being enveloped in a warm embrace of his –friend? Lover? Ex-boyfriend? He didn't know it yet. Maybe they'll talk it out when they get a chance after all of this was over.

But then he realized with a start that it really was over. It was over and he was home and in the arms of a man he cared for the most and he melted in the embrace.

"Adam"

Shiro stopped acknowledging the fact that he was in public because everything and everyone be damned; it had been years since he'd seen Adam and years since he'd been held in his embrace. And he didn't realized it until he heard a soft sniffle and a grunt –because Paladin armors were uncomfortable and hard and certainly not made for being held in a hug as if you were someone's lifeline.

"You're alive. You're alive, I thought you were dead."

And he held Adam with just as much fervor and buried his face in his neck and sniffled himself because if there was anyone who knew how to make Shiro cry it was Adam and Keith, once they both started crying.

It was some time after that he heard Keith call out Adam's name softly –and if he didn't knew Keith like he did, he wouldn't have recognized the shakiness to it. So, he let go slowly, hand still on the other because Shiro had to know it wasn't one of his rare dreams, as well, where he never left on the Kerberos mission and never got imprisoned in an alien spaceship. But then he felt Adam pull away and turn towards Keith and fragmented words bubbled out of his mouth.

"I- You brought him back. You're back. I'm –I'm sorry. I should've-"

Keith interrupted Adam by diving in for a hug. Shiro stood there staring because this was Keith and Keith didn't initiate hugs. So, for him to do this in front of everyone –Shiro had the nagging feeling that something must have happened, that shook both of them before all of this started, when he was gone.

"Adam –I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's not your fault"

And Shiro realized Adam was squeezing Keith with the same intensity that Shiro used to after a particularly bad night on Keith's end, because even now Keith's voice was choked when he spoke.

Shiro looked around and saw that Krolia had joined the Alteans and was now talking to Iverson; he wondered when she had moved from her place from behind Keith and him.

"I expect a detailed explanation of why I thought my friend was dead and his little brother was missing and presumed dead for so many years. And don't give me the censored shit that you're gonna give the officials."

And when Adam had called Shiro his friend just now, there was a little uncertainty in his voice that was present in Shiro's own thoughts.

But before he could give it further contemplation, he was being pulled into yet another hug –now with Adam and Keith, both– and his train of thought changed to how this was enough for now. That he had however long he wanted –needed– to think about all these things.

So, he laughed softly and sighed in relief then. He relaxed.

"Yeah"

Because this was all that mattered for now.


	3. Sick

It was 02:31 PM in the afternoon and Keith was miserable.

He heaved again to empty his stomach contents in the toilet in front of him but nothing else came up. He'd been throwing up everything he's been eating ever since they'd come back home, turned out adjusting to _Earth_ _food_ after years of living on _space_ _food_ was a lot more difficult than he thought, even if he had lived on Earth for better part of his life.

He had never been picky when it came to food or mostly anything else as long as it fulfilled its purpose, he _couldn't_ be if he wanted to survive living with foster families and in the home. But then Shiro's family had adopted him and the habit still hadn't gone away.

Even so, he had missed earth food, always thought if –not _when_ because _when_ was a dangerous hope and he had learnt it very little that to hope for impossible was asking for hurt– they ever got back home, he'd definitely eat whatever he could gladly and never take it for granted.

But the first night he had had his first earth meal in years –because the day had been busy with formal introductions and mission reports and debriefs– he had felt sick more and more until late at night, he was on his private bathroom floor throwing up anything and everything he had eaten.

And of course he hadn't told anyone about it because that was just asking for worried actions and annoying doting –Shiro _dotted and hovered like a mother hen_ when he worried that Keith was coming down with sickness or that something was wrong and Adam was even _worse_.

So, no, he had in fact, tried to keep it hidden from others and avoided eating in front of them and had taken it upon himself to not eat until he absolutely had to and even than only the amount required in order to not get sick.

And that backfired and he regretted it now.

Because now he was actually sick with a fever in the middle of the day when he should be attending an official meeting to formally introduce the Blade of Marmora –who had arrived just the day before– and the Alteans to the higher Garrison officials and decide whether their presence should be kept private or announced to the world.

Keith had to be there half an hour ago and now he was exceptionally late and Shiro or Lance or anyone else –as Adam was still a bit hesitant around Shiro and Keith– would be coming to check up on him as soon as the meeting would be finished and find out that he was sick but he couldn't get himself to move because he was so _tired_.

So, he stayed there on the bathroom floor, his stomach in knots and churning. He rested his head back on the cool shower door for a couple of moments before pushing himself off of the floor and dragged himself into the shower stall and turned the tap. He stood there with his clothes on and cold water splashing on his face for a few moments and then slowly started to undress.

He had taken care of himself for years when the foster families couldn't be bothered to cancel their plans for the sick kid or were too busy because _my favorite TV show is on and I can't just miss that brat, it's an important episode_, _just take some meds from the first aid kid and stop bothering me_. So, he learnt because he _had_ to.

He was startled out of his thoughts when a knock sounded on the door and he realized he had been standing in the shower for a while because even the water had turned lukewarm now.

"Keith, you okay there? Keith?"

He blinked a couple of times to clear the fog in his head and it took him a while to place a face to the voice –_Shiro._ He opened his mouth to answer back because Shiro sounded worried but the '_I'm fine'_ that escaped from his lips was raspy and scraped his throat. Shiro knocked again.

"Hey, you okay in there? Is everything okay? It's not like you to miss an important meeting like that, I was a bit worried"

Keith stumbled out of the shower stall and grabbed the towel from the wall to wrap around himself. He should've thought this through and bring _at least_ a pair of sweatpants with him before stepping in the shower. He went to the door and opened it, Shiro's concerned face came into view and as he stepped further into the room, he found Lance sitting on Keith's own bed.

In his periphery, he saw Lance stand up from the bed and Shiro step towards him as he grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a shirt from his dresser and jumped as he felt Shiro's metal hand on his shoulder. He blinked a couple of times and sighed and turned around and immediately Shiro had a hand on Keith's forehead and a frown marring his features.

"It's cold, I'm cold. Please let me wear some clothes first"

Each word was like a thorn in his throat but he still managed to complete the sentence in a raspy voice because now Shiro was worried and Lance was as well if he being there was any indication. He pushed past Shiro as gently as he could.

God, he was so _tired_, his legs felt like they'd give out any moment now but he kept on moving because that's what he'd always done –pushed forward even when he felt like he couldn't, even when the entire world seemed to push him down. It was in his nature and a couple of years in space hadn't changed that but reformed it more firmly when he found his Galra heritage.

He quickly changed into his sweats and stumbled out of the bathroom feeling even worse than he had before and crashed on his bed. He felt the bed dip and the door to his room slide shut, he opened his eyes to see Shiro looking at him with a worried expression.

"How long have you been sick? You're really burning up."

Keith opened his mouth to answer but his voice failed, he felt weak and pathetic.

Ever since he was little, he rarely ever got sick but whenever he did it was always bad. So, he shouldn't have been surprised that he was so sick now. He heard Shiro sigh and realized that he hadn't answered yet, so he rose his hand up and loosely dropped it over Shiro's own metallic one.

"Water, please"

He heard the door open with a soft _swish_ and then Lance's voice came, he sounded a bit off and a bit uncertain, Keith wondered why. Someone shook his shoulder and asked him a question but everything was so muddled and far away that he couldn't grasp it even if he wanted to, voices kept fading in and out of his focus as he tried to piece together what was going on.

"Is he okay? He's really out of it."

Lance's voice drifted in and he barely got what was said next and by whom but he felt hands on his shoulders again and then he was sitting up so he blearily opened his eyes and saw the blurred form of Shiro with white hair and he must have said something because Shiro laughed softly and said something that sounded like "yeah it's still me, kiddo".

He felt something soft behind him and realized someone had placed pillows behind him and then remembered that he had asked for some water when there was a glass in front of him. Shiro gently placed the glass near his lips because Keith's hands were uselessly flopped over his lap and he didn't have any energy to move any part of his body.

So, he gulped his own embarrassment down with cold water that Shiro helped him drink because he did not want to be seen in such a pathetic state and Lance was standing right there and even if they had come a long way from their rivalry since day one he still wasn't comfortable enough to be seen at his lowest by anyone and certainly not Lance.

He sighed as the water soothed his throat, and leaned back against the pillows and closed his eyes. He heard someone say something about food and medicine and sleep and something else but he couldn't understand it at the precipice of sleep and unconsciousness so he gave into the urge.

And he slept.


End file.
